why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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