you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
