i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
