I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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