She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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