My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
never play flip cup with pint glasses
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
