Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
