I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
