hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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