Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
