Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
