Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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