That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
