I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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