your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
it glows. i had to have it.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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