But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize