so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
