sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
