had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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