38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
