Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
