Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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