Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
