Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
