I'm sorry my penis didn't work
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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