..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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