Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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