Will you blow on my dice?
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
