It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
areolas are like halos for boobs.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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