Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
