If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
this is an emotional support booty call
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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