I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
