He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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