My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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