Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
