New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
