dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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