your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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