i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
