Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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