Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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