As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Someone signed my nipple.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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