this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
