yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Randomize
