is your mom at the bar?
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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