Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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