he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
