Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Randomize
