Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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