the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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