My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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