So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize