brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
