I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
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