I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Michael Bay diarrhea
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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