The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
