Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
