I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
