I don't usually arrange sex via text message
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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