I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
