You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
