So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
