we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
