Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
