Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
