you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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