Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
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