bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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