I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
