Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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