He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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