I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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