the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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