Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
