Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
