he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
