I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
