On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
