i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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